You Like, You Buy Vol 22

What to say about the clothing brand Moiselle (www.moiselle.com.hk)? Moiselle appears to be designed for certain women in mind - women not sophisticated enough to be Madames, not stylish enough to be Mademoiselles. But the brand does have something going for it because at least it isn't named Wanko.

Moiselle's spokesmodel is local actress Ada Choi. I don't know much about her other than she's a self-described little lamb that's 70% converted and conformed. Her fervent religiousness is such that Biblical verses are used to create the storyboard for Moiselle photoshoots.


Ecclesiastes 7:26
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and fishnets, her legs encased in cowboy boots doing warm-up stretches against the bar and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.


Genesis 1:16
And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. But He did not put them on this woman's lavender dress, pair it with a feathered headdress and tell her to fake swoon. No, no that was entirely man's doing.


1 Samuel 1:14
And Eli said unto her, How long wilt thou be drunken? put away thy wine from thee.
And she slurred unto Eli, Wha? Ish okayzzzz (hic!)..fiiiiine..I wuv you *giggles* yesh you *falls over*


Exodus 26:35
And thou shalt set the table without the vail, and the candlestick over against the table on the side of the tabernacle toward the south: and thou shalt put the table on the north side. And thou shalt bolt the prize crockery to the walls, then proceed to awkwardly recline on the table to conceal the fact that dinner will not be served tonight.


Song of Solomon 6:5
And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. But not subtil of hair, for this style doth improve the tv reception somewhat.

Dogwatch

I felt that you all deserved an update regarding the little dog as fashion accessory situation. NEWSFLASH: Puppy breeders have found a way to make them smaller than ever before. Even smaller than the average Hollywood breast:



Somebody must be feeding the little dogs after midnight because they are also proliferating at a near exponential rate. They could soon outnumber humans of lesser intelligence. And still look stupid while doing it.



There remains a minority group who still enjoy the company of bigger dogs but the amount of affection lavished on them borders on uncivilised.



Hey Ms Keitel I don't care how handsome your dog is but such public displays of affection would make even a dry-humping rottweiler blush. Go get a kennel that rents by the hour or something. It don't matter one bit that your mum is Dr Melfi from The Sopranos. Or that your dad was "The Wolf" and "Mr White". Or that Kate Winslet actually urinated in front of him. There are several liberties that come with being celebrity offspring but this is not one of them.

Hip Temples 2005

Thanks to the Lunar New Year holidays, I could really get accustomed to this 2-day working week arrangement. After all, most of the work during the week gets done on Monday afternoons, Wednesdays and Friday mornings anyway. Yes, this is something worth emailing my local legislative councillor about.

Have you ever wondered how the beautiful people of Hong Kong spend their holidays? I do, because it gives me something to aspire to. This is the time of the year where the pretty & witty & gay can cut loose and go temple-hopping. Here's a guide to the hippest temples in Hong Kong as of this moment.

Man Mo Temple, Hollywood Road
Style: Ultra-cool urban retreat in the middle of a lively neighbourhood. A showcase of traditional elegance with the subtle colonial influences. Large spiralled incense coils suspended from ceiling create a smoky aromatic ambience.
Crowd: Attracts a well-heeled crowd of trendy locals. Also popular with sophisticated professionals as an after work hangout.
Hip factor: 4 joss sticks. Take a spot near the bronze bell or imperial side chairs and soak up the atmosphere.

Sik Sik Wong Tai Sin Temple, Wong Tai Sin
Style: Red pillars, a golden roof adorned with blue friezes, yellow latticework and multi-coloured carvings contribute to its old-world kitschy charm. Despite its massive prayer space and terrace areas, it is a slick operation that packs them in on weekends and Friday nights.
Crowd: Clientele is an eclectic mix of local templegoers and curious out-of-towners. Suffers slightly from the poseur factor (watch for those who take an inordinately long time shaking their fortune sticks).
Hip factor: 3.5 joss sticks. Can gets loud and frolicsome when the worshipping gets intense.

Che Kung Temple, Sha Tin
Style: Inspired by Japanese minimalism, its modern decor is light and airy but never cold. The fan-bladed wheel of fortune is a major drawcard for the converts.
Crowd: This is where the young and beautifully devout go to chill. Intimate spaces and relaxed atmosphere makes it easy to linger & supplicate at length.
Hip factor: 4.5 joss sticks. A favourite with industry insiders for its unpretentious style.

Tin Hau Temple, Josshouse Bay
Style: Located on a charming section of the shoreline in a chic fishing district. Decor is tasteful and unpretentious, with a carefully cultivated rustic feel. Low lighting contributes to the laidback praying vibe.
Crowd: Once a well-kept secret amongst quirky believers, its reputation for a funky offbeat sanctuary has been getting noticed.
Hip factor: 3.5 joss sticks. Enjoying a resurgence in popularity since the spiritually hip have chosen to migrate here for the time being.

Po Lin Monastery, Lantau Island
Style: Glamour, glitz, it's all here in this perennially wanky hotspot. A winning combination of dramatic architecture and sumptuous water views. Cool chants spun by house monks. Private meditation rooms available.
Crowd: Caters for the designer moneyed set. Lots of big names in Buddhism and Taoism contribute to its exclusiveness.
Hip factor: 4.5 joss sticks. There are no lists and no ropes but when the queues form, watch out for the burly door monk.

In summary you can't go wrong with any of these classy joints. Remember, a temple offering a day helps keep the plucked roof-crashing chickens away.

Karl Lagerfeld Diet

I'm not too thin. I'm just slim! What, you think I'm emaciated? Well, those sizes at Dior Homme, you have to respect them.
- Karl Lagerfeld

Take this short quiz to see if you need The Karl Lagerfeld Diet.

1. If you turn sideways, can you still be seen behind a bus stop pole?
2. Do your pyjamas have space for more than one stripe?
3. Does your clothing size have double digits?
4. Have you ever been told by an acquaintance that you look "healthy"?
5. Do you think that the fashion industry perpetuates the wrong sort of body image?

If you answered no to all of the above questions, then you are normal.
If you answered yes to 1 question, then you are FAT.
If you answered yes to 2-3 questions, then you are still FAT. (If you were expecting to hear otherwise, add naive to your list of inadequancies)
If you answered yes to more than 3 questions, then you are a behemoth of leviathan proportions. How could you let yourself go like that?

Wipe the tears away from your pudgy cheeks, The Karl Lagerfeld Diet is here to help. It's not a fad that's named after a beach, a dead cardiologist or a Britney Spears album. I could go on about the scientific studies, the glowing testimonials but a picture is a thousand words. See the miraculous results for yourself.

CASE 1
Before: This lady was invited to sing at the end of every gala performance and sports game so the audience knew when to leave.



After: Since her massive weight loss, she has enjoyed a more active social life and greater wardrobe choices. Incidentally she has also become one of the world's top catwalk models.



CASE 2
Before: An actress with her own sitcom called Fat Actress.



After: An actress appearing on a wildly popular teen-driven soap. Better known for wearing Chanel regularly and hanging with greasy billionheir boyfriend.



CASE 3
Before: A compulsive eating habit triggered by a very public divorce and uncertain film career meant that Nicole could not fit into a pair of size 28 jeans.

After: An Oscar, front row at Chanel, and the most expensive 60 second pefume commercial ever made.


"Beauty is thin, thin beauty" - that is all, Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. What are you waiting for, get your lard-laden ass started on the Karl Lagerfeld Diet today! It's not just for older European men who want to get into Heid Slimane's pants.

Happy Chinese New Year

Wishing everybody a happy and prosperous Chinese New Year! May you have money for nothing and your chicks for free. With the way bird flu keeps flaring up here and there in the region, the latter has been upgraded from "slight chance" to "very strong possibility".

Welcoming the Year of the Cock in style is not as simple as getting a Prince Albert. Poultry headwear is a tricky area to navigate because chickens generally look better nesting in their Eglus or roaming free-range. Mind you, they also look fantastic served up as old-fashioned Chicken Cacciatore with a side of egg noodles.


There's a certain commitment involved in wearing a turban, no matter how Sanrio its stylings may be. In the absence of harem pants, a caftan and a curved sword, the whole thing becomes a half-hearted limp-wristed token gesture.

With children, you can afford to be a little more experimental:


Many many years from now, he will discover this photo and scream "Muuuuuuuuuuumm!! How could you?!?!?!


If you cannot enter a doorway without the practical nightmare of decapitating your hat, then this hat is not for you. The same applies if your hat continually violates another country's airspace.


As Foghorn Leghorn would say "What's goin', I say what's goin' on here?" The hat is suitably festive but are these man's eyes and teeth even his own? Did he also borrow the gap between his teeth for effect?

To procure poultry headwear online, visit Chickenhats.com - Because life is more fun with a chicken on your head. I look forward to hearing your rebuttal statement.

Bambi With Love

I don't envy the men with high maintenance girlfriends/wives at this time of year. Scurrying about in search of a Valentine's gift that strikes the perfect chord. What a chore to find something that's romantic but not too mushy, something that's intimate but not too intimate (not safe for work).

Enter Bambi, a man who lets his hair grow longer than his moustache. A man who is named after a fawn destined for greatness, a stripper whose real name is Jane or both. He is a living, breathing mission statement whose message is definitely more opaque than clear:

The challenge is individually and collectively to awaken our true potential for goodness and greatness, and to realize that positive change begins with us. In so doing, we will find that the great heights of love and compassion engendered will infuse in us a deeper sense of caring and commitment and ultimately lead us all to a higher purpose and a grander vision - one that better serves the needs of all.

Bambi loves challenges, so much so that the special "Challenge Yourself.." awards he gives are designed as physical challenges themselves.

This Valentine's Day, succumb to Bambi's gold earrings and whiter than white teeth. Give the gift of...oneness.



If these perfumes smell anything like how Bambi looks, then they will make your throat swell, eyes water and temples throb.

There will be the inevitable comparisons with Yanni but Songs to Fall in Love...Again is a completely different kettle of fish. It's tantra yoga for the ears. Woman's Touch is undoubtedly a standout song. To hear it the way Bambi sings it, one would think that Bambi had actually experienced it.

To all of you - parents, family, relatives, associates, friends, and to friends I’ve not yet met - I say, “Thank You!” For it is in this simple statement that I can truly express the feelings with which my heart overflows …Thank You for being!
With Love,
Bambi

No, thank YOU, Bambi, thank you!

Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 27

Have you ever felt an affinity for a particular animal, that your life would be somehow be enriched by BEING more like that animal. Because that would explain a lot of things. Like this person's decision to buy a pair of leopard print shorts and wear them in public with anemic tails dangling down the side.



However it still doesn't explain the crisscross hose and the psychedelic flats with yellow trim. Elite think tanks around the world are still scratching their heads over that one.

There are many sites on the internet devoted to people who think that they are animals. Furries, furverts or whatever you want to label them, they're out there and they're all trying to get in touch with their inner animal. Until now I'd never actually seen one up close:



And here we have the rare pleasure of capturing for the first time on film, a human female who has reverted to her past life of a jungle cat. She is a solitary but menacing figure on the prowl. Note the high-heeled stealth and camouflaged pattern. A real man-eater. Run and hide, Mowgli the mancub, run!

My only question is: how the hell did a little grey poodle get caught up in the middle of all this?